Great piece, Sophie! And I love the wider purpose of your Substack - I think we need to talk more about the failures of therapy given the amount of time and money that is thrown at it.
Thank you, I find that this article explains the subject exceptionally clearly!
I have a thought, you say at the beginning that "abuse is a product of power". This phrase really struck me.
Therapy was not helpful for me and I wonder if part of the reason is exactly that it's set up to have a huge power and authority differential. I think what some people might need are healing relationships that are as equal as possible; to precisely *not* replicate a parent-child dynamic because it invites the patient to trust the therapist more than they trust themselves -- and trauma survivors already don't trust ourselves!
So I sometimes wonder if a hierarchical, authority-imbued therapy relationship is exactly what trauma survivors need the least?
We need to learn self-trust, to be our own authority, through ways of relating that put us in a place of competence. I wonder if the "medical expert" model most therapy is based on is one of the least likely ways to achieve this (tho it can perhaps happen sometimes).
Controversial opinion: I mean therapy culture is practically an invitation to treat a therapist like a guru, and it's directed at people who are especially prone to becoming followers?
Ok I'm not expressing myself clearly and there's no "edit" button here: what I mean is that for some or many of us, perhaps relationships that minimise power differential and the risk of projecting authority on an outside figure is exactly what would be healing.
I also wondered if relationships with multiple people are better than the therapy dyad. Again because the risk to project all-knowing authority on another and replicate / develop cognitive dependency seems especially high in a very close, intense, focussed, super vulnerable relationship with only 1 person (who gains disproportionate importance). I mean it's basically set up for abuse?
Hey sash, thanks for reading and for your comments.
You're making sense, and you make some excellent points.
The line "abuse is a product of power" came from NeuroAbolition on Instagram. I do agree with what you say about therapy being set up for abuse. That's why I wrote that the therapist's responsibility is so great not because it's their job to heal the patient, but because it is so easy for them to cause harm.
I think it does make sense that some of us need to heal outside of these systems where there is such an imbalance of power. It can replicate our original trauma in many ways. Also agree that what we need most is to be empowered, to build self-trust, and to regain our sense of autonomy. Some therapists, especially those who place too much value on their credentials and expertise, do the opposite of this.
re the “abuse is the product of power” line, I’m not on Instagram but I appreciate that line, it made it click in my head that ok not all power equals abuse, but still there can’t be abuse without “power-over” so that’s perhaps the best prevention. (but here too, no clear idea how to minimise it since the situation of “seeking help” in itself kind of puts the seeker in a “lower” position. is there a way of reframing and avoiding this?)
Thank you for the response. Do you think the classical therapist setup is generally good as the go-to for mental support none the less? From what you write it sounds like a good therapist has to basically work against the whole structure / system or neutralise it to be effective
I was wondering what would be a better system, I guess non hierarchical peer support is the only thing I come up with, but that has its own problems too. I do think that a lot of experience is necessary to facilitate anything like this well.
I definitely don't have all the answers, but I like that you're asking the questions!
I'm reminded of something I read the other day from an Elder therapist on Quora. Hang on, I'll copy some of it here...
Someone asked, "Do therapists work on the premise that clients have to submit to their proclaimed authority?"
David McPhee, Ph. D. replied (paraphrased): "Authority? If you're a voluntary client who hired me, all my authority comes from you, all of it. I can't do anything without your consent and empowerment.
"Maybe you think having a lot of training and experience is a big deal, but that's not real authority. All that means is that if you decide to ask me a question, which is up to you, I'm likely to have a reasonably accurate answer, which you can accept or reject.
"What in the world would you have to "submit" to?" I'm just imagining myself telling a client, "I have authority here. You must submit and obey." That would be our last session for sure. They definitely wouldn't send their friends, and I'd be looking for a job where I'd get to boss people around. Correction officer at a prison, maybe."
I really liked that. I think it says a lot. Some people just aren't cut out for the work because they're the type of person who needs to have power and control. But not every therapist is like that. Two therapists could go through the exact same training and work in the same system or environment, and each one could approach the work in completely different ways.
I don't think therapy itself is the problem. I think some therapists just don't understand their role or what they're being paid to do for the patient. Partly, that is a systemic issue, but it's also a matter of character. There are many great therapists out there. We just haven't been lucky enough to find one (yet?).
Great piece, Sophie! And I love the wider purpose of your Substack - I think we need to talk more about the failures of therapy given the amount of time and money that is thrown at it.
Ugh so validating. I once had a therapist who rolled her eyes at me.
????!!!!!
Then she had the gall to keep calling me and asking for a “closure session.”
I don’t need closure. You rolled your eyes at me! That’s all the closure I need. I’m out!
Thank you, I find that this article explains the subject exceptionally clearly!
I have a thought, you say at the beginning that "abuse is a product of power". This phrase really struck me.
Therapy was not helpful for me and I wonder if part of the reason is exactly that it's set up to have a huge power and authority differential. I think what some people might need are healing relationships that are as equal as possible; to precisely *not* replicate a parent-child dynamic because it invites the patient to trust the therapist more than they trust themselves -- and trauma survivors already don't trust ourselves!
So I sometimes wonder if a hierarchical, authority-imbued therapy relationship is exactly what trauma survivors need the least?
We need to learn self-trust, to be our own authority, through ways of relating that put us in a place of competence. I wonder if the "medical expert" model most therapy is based on is one of the least likely ways to achieve this (tho it can perhaps happen sometimes).
Controversial opinion: I mean therapy culture is practically an invitation to treat a therapist like a guru, and it's directed at people who are especially prone to becoming followers?
Ok I'm not expressing myself clearly and there's no "edit" button here: what I mean is that for some or many of us, perhaps relationships that minimise power differential and the risk of projecting authority on an outside figure is exactly what would be healing.
I also wondered if relationships with multiple people are better than the therapy dyad. Again because the risk to project all-knowing authority on another and replicate / develop cognitive dependency seems especially high in a very close, intense, focussed, super vulnerable relationship with only 1 person (who gains disproportionate importance). I mean it's basically set up for abuse?
Hey sash, thanks for reading and for your comments.
You're making sense, and you make some excellent points.
The line "abuse is a product of power" came from NeuroAbolition on Instagram. I do agree with what you say about therapy being set up for abuse. That's why I wrote that the therapist's responsibility is so great not because it's their job to heal the patient, but because it is so easy for them to cause harm.
I think it does make sense that some of us need to heal outside of these systems where there is such an imbalance of power. It can replicate our original trauma in many ways. Also agree that what we need most is to be empowered, to build self-trust, and to regain our sense of autonomy. Some therapists, especially those who place too much value on their credentials and expertise, do the opposite of this.
re the “abuse is the product of power” line, I’m not on Instagram but I appreciate that line, it made it click in my head that ok not all power equals abuse, but still there can’t be abuse without “power-over” so that’s perhaps the best prevention. (but here too, no clear idea how to minimise it since the situation of “seeking help” in itself kind of puts the seeker in a “lower” position. is there a way of reframing and avoiding this?)
Thank you for the response. Do you think the classical therapist setup is generally good as the go-to for mental support none the less? From what you write it sounds like a good therapist has to basically work against the whole structure / system or neutralise it to be effective
I was wondering what would be a better system, I guess non hierarchical peer support is the only thing I come up with, but that has its own problems too. I do think that a lot of experience is necessary to facilitate anything like this well.
I definitely don't have all the answers, but I like that you're asking the questions!
I'm reminded of something I read the other day from an Elder therapist on Quora. Hang on, I'll copy some of it here...
Someone asked, "Do therapists work on the premise that clients have to submit to their proclaimed authority?"
David McPhee, Ph. D. replied (paraphrased): "Authority? If you're a voluntary client who hired me, all my authority comes from you, all of it. I can't do anything without your consent and empowerment.
"Maybe you think having a lot of training and experience is a big deal, but that's not real authority. All that means is that if you decide to ask me a question, which is up to you, I'm likely to have a reasonably accurate answer, which you can accept or reject.
"What in the world would you have to "submit" to?" I'm just imagining myself telling a client, "I have authority here. You must submit and obey." That would be our last session for sure. They definitely wouldn't send their friends, and I'd be looking for a job where I'd get to boss people around. Correction officer at a prison, maybe."
I really liked that. I think it says a lot. Some people just aren't cut out for the work because they're the type of person who needs to have power and control. But not every therapist is like that. Two therapists could go through the exact same training and work in the same system or environment, and each one could approach the work in completely different ways.
I don't think therapy itself is the problem. I think some therapists just don't understand their role or what they're being paid to do for the patient. Partly, that is a systemic issue, but it's also a matter of character. There are many great therapists out there. We just haven't been lucky enough to find one (yet?).